I strongly believe that God does provide for us in our need. Our needs can be met through unusual channels, or more simply and directly, but I do feel that our needs are met if we can just trust and have faith in His workings.
A few very specific examples come to mind, from my own life experiences.
Long ago, when I was married to my first husband and mom to two little boys, we were living basically hand to mouth. We had very little money for our needs, and even less for any wants. We were quite stressed about a medical bill that was hanging over our heads. There really wasn't anywhere else to pare our budget down to pay this bill. If I recall, we didn't even have our phone turned on at the time. Our finances were so tight they squeaked. I remember laying in bed at night and wondering if God had any answers for folks like us. It wasn't long after that when I made my daily walk to the mailbox, expecting to find more bills---but this time I found a check for $400. I could hardly believe my eyes! That was an incredible amount of money to me then. Apparently I had forgotten about an old insurance policy, and the cash value was now mine. I actually cried out by the mailbox in front of God and everyone. The relief in being able to honor our medical bill was incredible.
(Those years seem light-years away. I sit in my lovely home now and wonder what my 20 year old self would think of all of this.)
Many years later, I found the courage to leave an abusive man after 11 years of Hell. Even though I was scared to death and wasn't sure how I was going to support myself and my two teenage boys, I knew that I must go through with this to save our very lives. I distinctly remember standing in the shower one night, weeping there so my boys wouldn't have to hear mom cry again, saying "God, help me." The next day, the student clinic where I'd done my doctoral internship called me and asked if I could step in for one of their part-time counselors this semester, as she had to leave abruptly. The job would neatly work with my other job as a teaching assistant. It was like manna from Heaven, and it enabled me to care for my family at a very turbulent time.
Most recently, I left a job I'd had for nearly 8 years, burnt out, deeply unhappy. In a move very unlike me, I resigned before I had my next moves planned out. I really didn't know what I was going to do next or where. I just knew that if I didn't leave, my soul, marriage, physical health---indeed, my life was in danger of disintegrating. So no backup plans to fall upon, no path chosen, nothing. I allowed myself to fall back into God's arms. The ultimate trust exercise! The funny thing is, I felt totally at peace and not at all afraid. Oddly enough, a few weeks later I was offered a dream job with an agency I'd admired for a long time, and had worked in conjunction with for years. And with that gift came the gifts of renewed health, spirit and relationship.
The Universe indeed does move in mysterious ways!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Sobering Thought
I had a really good friend back in college that I was quite close to for some time. We had some marvelous times together, and shared some painful moments with each others' support. However, one day he turned to me and said, "It's not healthy for us to be friends anymore. You're too unstable, and being with you is like a rollercoaster." I was just stunned. It came out of the blue and hurt terribly. I had my moments of depression, granted, but nothing really crazy or psychotic. I blamed myself for years for not being the kind of person who deserved his friendship. Well...
Fast forward twenty years. On a whim, I looked him up on Facebook. I did find him, and his online journal. He is on disability for his mental health disabilities, and has been for many years. He lives hand to mouth, often relying on the kindness of strangers. He's bitter and sarcastic and angry. He has gone from one relationship to another, most of them unhealthy.
Yes. And I am thriving, happy, stable and (of all things) a respected mental health therapist.
I know now that he was probably projecting his own instability onto me. Or heck, maybe he was protecting me from his own personal demons. I feel only kindness towards and sadness for him now. It hurt terribly way back when, but perhaps I dodged a big bullet with him.
Fast forward twenty years. On a whim, I looked him up on Facebook. I did find him, and his online journal. He is on disability for his mental health disabilities, and has been for many years. He lives hand to mouth, often relying on the kindness of strangers. He's bitter and sarcastic and angry. He has gone from one relationship to another, most of them unhealthy.
Yes. And I am thriving, happy, stable and (of all things) a respected mental health therapist.
I know now that he was probably projecting his own instability onto me. Or heck, maybe he was protecting me from his own personal demons. I feel only kindness towards and sadness for him now. It hurt terribly way back when, but perhaps I dodged a big bullet with him.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
On a totally unrelated note...
Hey folks, this is what makes Sirius radio worth it to ME!!
A Charming Little Ditty
Yep, came on as the last song before I pulled into the driveway tonight. Scarily enough, I knew the song already...Ben had played this delightful little tune for me back in his high school days, I believe.
Between that and the song and artist display for some of Ted Nugent's songs, I have mild filth well-covered as a genre in my car. Sheesh.
A Charming Little Ditty
Yep, came on as the last song before I pulled into the driveway tonight. Scarily enough, I knew the song already...Ben had played this delightful little tune for me back in his high school days, I believe.
Between that and the song and artist display for some of Ted Nugent's songs, I have mild filth well-covered as a genre in my car. Sheesh.
Do I HAAAAAVE to? (Said with pout)
Okay, we'll just get it out right from the beginning......I FREAKING HATE EXERCISE!!!!!!
I do not like gyms. Gyms, to me, are places for young hot things to prance around in Spandex and Lycra. Or old farts who think they're still hot, flexing their pecs and strutting around, invariably wearing shorts way the hell too tight and leaving sweat puddles wherever they go.
I'm not fond of exercise classes, at least the ones I've been to. See Spandex issue mentioned above, plus the competitive aspect, plus me feeling as graceful and limber as a yak.
I hate sweating. I hate breathing hard. I hate pain.
I feel like laying on the floor and throwing a tantrum right now. But that would be exercise.
I think some of this comes from being totally aerobicized in the 80s and 90s. I got so dang sick of Jane Fonda and Joannie Greggains and Denise Austin and the whole bunch. Step aerobics? Kiss my butt.
I know I need to exercise for my health, but why is it such a bore and a chore and a snore?
Now, I could see myself in a yoga or Pilates class, if I could find a good teacher and someone with a class that works with my schedule. I'd love to surf. I'd love to try aquajogging. I'd love to go horseback riding. I'd love to try bellydancing or Zumba. I'd love to ride my bike around town.
But I cannot tolerate competitive atmospheres; I can't stand overly structured classes with martinet instructors; I despise repetition.
Anyone out there care to challenge me on this? :-)
I do not like gyms. Gyms, to me, are places for young hot things to prance around in Spandex and Lycra. Or old farts who think they're still hot, flexing their pecs and strutting around, invariably wearing shorts way the hell too tight and leaving sweat puddles wherever they go.
I'm not fond of exercise classes, at least the ones I've been to. See Spandex issue mentioned above, plus the competitive aspect, plus me feeling as graceful and limber as a yak.
I hate sweating. I hate breathing hard. I hate pain.
I feel like laying on the floor and throwing a tantrum right now. But that would be exercise.
I think some of this comes from being totally aerobicized in the 80s and 90s. I got so dang sick of Jane Fonda and Joannie Greggains and Denise Austin and the whole bunch. Step aerobics? Kiss my butt.
I know I need to exercise for my health, but why is it such a bore and a chore and a snore?
Now, I could see myself in a yoga or Pilates class, if I could find a good teacher and someone with a class that works with my schedule. I'd love to surf. I'd love to try aquajogging. I'd love to go horseback riding. I'd love to try bellydancing or Zumba. I'd love to ride my bike around town.
But I cannot tolerate competitive atmospheres; I can't stand overly structured classes with martinet instructors; I despise repetition.
Anyone out there care to challenge me on this? :-)
Monday, June 25, 2012
Sssshhhhh.....
I once read that the quietest place on Earth is in a Bell laboratory. It is a huge room, but so quiet if you drop a pin at one end of the room you can hear it clearly at the other end. Wow.
One of my favorite quiet places is my mother's home in the middle of nowhere Iowa. Cell phones do not work, it's so remote and tucked into the hills. Sitting out by the pond at night and watching the stars, you can feel very small and insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe. That can be scary, sometimes. The silence can be quite...well, loud.
But if you can stay with it and ride through those feelings, it is one of the most peaceful places I have ever known.
One of my favorite quiet places is my mother's home in the middle of nowhere Iowa. Cell phones do not work, it's so remote and tucked into the hills. Sitting out by the pond at night and watching the stars, you can feel very small and insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe. That can be scary, sometimes. The silence can be quite...well, loud.
But if you can stay with it and ride through those feelings, it is one of the most peaceful places I have ever known.
Bedtime Prayers
My husband and I, during times of stress, will sometimes pray together in bed at night. It makes me feel closer to him and to God. Sometimes, you have no power in a situation and you just have to lift it up to God. (My personal belief)
When I sing it can be a form of prayer, even comfort. I well remember driving home from Ames one night a couple of winters ago, after work. I didn't realize until I reached Story City that I was driving right into a wall of wind and snow. The roads suddenly became treacherous. And with white knuckles on the steering wheel, I sang hymns to keep myself grounded and less scared. At one point I even stopped singing and just prayed over and over, Please God, get me home safely. A 45 minute trip took 2 hours, but I got home safely that night.
I don't really formally have a time of prayer each day, but instead pray throughout the day. Sometimes my actions are a form of prayer...being totally in the moment and present and engaged with a hurting client....communing with nature....even sitting on my front porch and feeling thankful for another day put to rest.
When I sing it can be a form of prayer, even comfort. I well remember driving home from Ames one night a couple of winters ago, after work. I didn't realize until I reached Story City that I was driving right into a wall of wind and snow. The roads suddenly became treacherous. And with white knuckles on the steering wheel, I sang hymns to keep myself grounded and less scared. At one point I even stopped singing and just prayed over and over, Please God, get me home safely. A 45 minute trip took 2 hours, but I got home safely that night.
I don't really formally have a time of prayer each day, but instead pray throughout the day. Sometimes my actions are a form of prayer...being totally in the moment and present and engaged with a hurting client....communing with nature....even sitting on my front porch and feeling thankful for another day put to rest.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Things that Make me Smile
Random things....
...like driving past this fountain when I'm working in Marshalltown. No matter what, it always brings a grin to my face!
....oh, and laughing babies and children at play.
....my fox terrier girl, Lucy, who is the best clown in the world.
Lots of things make me smile, but those are a few that come to mind immediately!
...like driving past this fountain when I'm working in Marshalltown. No matter what, it always brings a grin to my face!
....oh, and laughing babies and children at play.
....my fox terrier girl, Lucy, who is the best clown in the world.
Lots of things make me smile, but those are a few that come to mind immediately!
Friday, June 22, 2012
Music of My Life
When I was a baby, my father used to dance me to sleep, and play Beach Boys records. At our father-daughter dance at my wedding with Gene, we danced to Surfer Girl. This song will always be "our" song. It was a solid month after Dad's untimely death in 2008 before I could listen to ANY music again, much less the Beach Boys.
Now I can listen to them again, with joy. And just maybe someday, I'll catch a wave!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a teenager in the 1980s, I listened to the predictable stuff---Journey, Styx, Toto, Foreigner---but unlike most of my group of friends, I started getting into something called New Wave. I remember listening to "college radio" and reading Rolling Stone, and realizing my little world at IFHS was about to expand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
However, when it came to choosing a first dance with Gene at our wedding, we did go back to an "old" Foreigner tune: Our Wedding Dance
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In college grunge rock came onto the scene and I will always associate bands like Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Live, etc with those days. Flannel, Birkenstocks, hackysack and incense....memories!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If you took a look at our CD rack/iTune lists today, you would see music all over the map. I love little bits of everything, from jazz to country, hip hop to classical, rap to ambient. My main genre of choice is probably 70s rock, though. I'm always seeking out new bands from every genre. One of my favorite ways of doing this is to listen to sampler CDs from Amazon or to download the monthly sampler from Utne Reader magazine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I was deep in depression, these two songs resonated painfully:
Flood and Drowning Man
(Yeah, I get the water theme.)
I would listen to these songs over and over and just sob uncontrollably.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And, thankfully, depression lifted, and I'm dancing once again, and singing...
Someone once posed the question to me, would I rather be blind or deaf? And honestly, I think I would chose to be blind. Music means so much to me, I don't think I'd want a life without it.
Now I can listen to them again, with joy. And just maybe someday, I'll catch a wave!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a teenager in the 1980s, I listened to the predictable stuff---Journey, Styx, Toto, Foreigner---but unlike most of my group of friends, I started getting into something called New Wave. I remember listening to "college radio" and reading Rolling Stone, and realizing my little world at IFHS was about to expand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
However, when it came to choosing a first dance with Gene at our wedding, we did go back to an "old" Foreigner tune: Our Wedding Dance
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In college grunge rock came onto the scene and I will always associate bands like Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Live, etc with those days. Flannel, Birkenstocks, hackysack and incense....memories!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I was deep in depression, these two songs resonated painfully:
Flood and Drowning Man
(Yeah, I get the water theme.)
I would listen to these songs over and over and just sob uncontrollably.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And, thankfully, depression lifted, and I'm dancing once again, and singing...
Someone once posed the question to me, would I rather be blind or deaf? And honestly, I think I would chose to be blind. Music means so much to me, I don't think I'd want a life without it.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Writing it down, part deux
So now I am going to put some new dreams and thoughts into the world, and see what happens. I guess it depends on who reads them! I am not allowing myself to edit with "Yeah, but" here today. I am blowing these gently and lovingly into the world like dandelion fluff. Godspeed.
1. I have always wanted to have a private therapy practice where I function like an old country doctor, making my rounds in the rural areas that don't have access to good, consistent mental health care.
2. I've always wanted to learn to play the flute.
3. I want to learn to make a quilt that looks like a family history timeline.
4. I've always wanted to learn more about becoming a doula.
5. I want to learn to surf.
6. I want to sing the National Anthem at an event.
7. I want to go on a personal retreat to a place like Omega or Hollyhock, or a create retreat ANYWHERE with Jennifer Louden.
8. Open....because there's always a new dream, a new #8
1. I have always wanted to have a private therapy practice where I function like an old country doctor, making my rounds in the rural areas that don't have access to good, consistent mental health care.
2. I've always wanted to learn to play the flute.
3. I want to learn to make a quilt that looks like a family history timeline.
4. I've always wanted to learn more about becoming a doula.
5. I want to learn to surf.
6. I want to sing the National Anthem at an event.
7. I want to go on a personal retreat to a place like Omega or Hollyhock, or a create retreat ANYWHERE with Jennifer Louden.
8. Open....because there's always a new dream, a new #8
Write It Down & Talents
I need to make more time for my creative side. That is, the creative side that is separate from creativity at work: I'm always having to envision new ways of looking at things, or new interventions for clients, as a therapist. I'm training, slowly, to become a registered play therapist, and using toys and drama and art materials are a huge part of that.
The other side of my life, "down time", is also something I like to be full of creative pursuits. I purposefully structure my work week so I can go to choir rehearsals. Singing is something I am quite good at, and I love it so much. I actually made All-State as a high school senior with very little formal training. I think this pissed off a number of people, and at the time it bothered me, but I really could care less anymore.
I also enjoy or have enjoyed at various points in my life: watercolor painting; interior design; collage; repurposing and crafting; canning; gardening; calligraphy; creative writing. I've always wanted to learn to sew and quilt.
I had a hard time there for awhile, feeling good about myself as a creative, artistic person. I married into a family that viewed themselves as quite artsy, and they seemed to looked down on me as stupid and dull and without talent. (Especially one particular member of the family.) I felt I was inferior to them, and that I had nothing to offer. I eventually got enlightened and broke out of my shell, thank God. I was dying slowly in that situation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And then there's "writing it down." I strongly believe that once a word is spoken or written, it enters the universe and there's no telling what will happen next. Dreams that are hidden stay hidden. Dreams that are voiced have a chance to catch fire and gain momentum. My return to college at 24 was a prime example of this. I shyly put it out there that I wanted to go back to school, and once it was shared with one person, there was no stopping it. My good friends rallied and encouraged me to try. Education changed my life forever.
The other side of my life, "down time", is also something I like to be full of creative pursuits. I purposefully structure my work week so I can go to choir rehearsals. Singing is something I am quite good at, and I love it so much. I actually made All-State as a high school senior with very little formal training. I think this pissed off a number of people, and at the time it bothered me, but I really could care less anymore.
I also enjoy or have enjoyed at various points in my life: watercolor painting; interior design; collage; repurposing and crafting; canning; gardening; calligraphy; creative writing. I've always wanted to learn to sew and quilt.
I had a hard time there for awhile, feeling good about myself as a creative, artistic person. I married into a family that viewed themselves as quite artsy, and they seemed to looked down on me as stupid and dull and without talent. (Especially one particular member of the family.) I felt I was inferior to them, and that I had nothing to offer. I eventually got enlightened and broke out of my shell, thank God. I was dying slowly in that situation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And then there's "writing it down." I strongly believe that once a word is spoken or written, it enters the universe and there's no telling what will happen next. Dreams that are hidden stay hidden. Dreams that are voiced have a chance to catch fire and gain momentum. My return to college at 24 was a prime example of this. I shyly put it out there that I wanted to go back to school, and once it was shared with one person, there was no stopping it. My good friends rallied and encouraged me to try. Education changed my life forever.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Take a Number
One thing that is a reality of life as a therapist is billable hours/units. Any agency I've worked for has an expectation that you bring in a certain amount of money each month, or a "floor". This isn't a problem for me where I am working now. I am supported by my team, and marketing brings in plenty of clientele.
I worked at another agency, that I shall not name, that left its therapists in the lurch. They would do absolutely nothing to market your services, stick you like an afterthought into an "office" in the middle of nowhere that wasn't conducive to providing therapy, and expect you to make a go of it. When you inevitably would fail to reach your floor, despite fighting your damnedest, they would treat you like you were a personal failure, not just failing to make units. It got to a point where I realized it was me or them. If I stayed any longer, I would lose my mind. I was close to losing my marriage and was losing my physical health. I realized I only had value to them via numbers...however, even when I was in a different position and making them a lot of money, they never made me feel appreciated. Ever. Sadly, this was a Christian organization that behaved as anything but.
I am more than a number, and more than the numbers I bring in. Yes, the reality of the business is that we have to be productive. Agreed fully. But it is the responsibility of the agency to support and market their talent aggressively. And in the end...it was MY responsibility to take care of myself and bow out of a losing situation. Best move I ever made.
I worked at another agency, that I shall not name, that left its therapists in the lurch. They would do absolutely nothing to market your services, stick you like an afterthought into an "office" in the middle of nowhere that wasn't conducive to providing therapy, and expect you to make a go of it. When you inevitably would fail to reach your floor, despite fighting your damnedest, they would treat you like you were a personal failure, not just failing to make units. It got to a point where I realized it was me or them. If I stayed any longer, I would lose my mind. I was close to losing my marriage and was losing my physical health. I realized I only had value to them via numbers...however, even when I was in a different position and making them a lot of money, they never made me feel appreciated. Ever. Sadly, this was a Christian organization that behaved as anything but.
I am more than a number, and more than the numbers I bring in. Yes, the reality of the business is that we have to be productive. Agreed fully. But it is the responsibility of the agency to support and market their talent aggressively. And in the end...it was MY responsibility to take care of myself and bow out of a losing situation. Best move I ever made.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Procrastinating...Who, Me????
Yes, me, unfortunately.
I tend to put off things I don't want to deal with, things that are on the unsavory side of life. Like bills. And my bill file is sitting in front of me on the coffee table right now. Staring at me. Yecccch. Oh well.
I tend to put off things I don't want to deal with, things that are on the unsavory side of life. Like bills. And my bill file is sitting in front of me on the coffee table right now. Staring at me. Yecccch. Oh well.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Thanks for the Laughter (AKA another convenient combining of posts!)
I think one of the things I most want to be remembered for is my sense of humor. I recall as young as three I purposefully put on a new pair of cowgirl boots with a string still attaching the them and walking around silly, for the the very purpose of making people laugh. It was very intentional. Fast forward a bit, and I was always known as the court jester, the joker amongst my group of friends. I was known as the Queen of the Dirty Jokes in junior high. Oh dear.
Laughter has saved my life, many times---when it was seriously down to either laughing or losing my sanity. It has saved me from the anesthetizing boredom of many a meeting. It always surprises people---this quiet, introverted girl suddenly coming up with a blazing, witty joke or comment and having the room breaking out in astonished laughter. Or laughing so hard at something that I'm literally crying or (better yet) snorting a drink out of my nose (thankfully rare!).
So something I'm deeply grateful for is my ability to laugh and see the funny side of things.
I'm grateful for my husband, my family, my children.
I'm grateful for my pets.
I'm grateful for my friends.
You know, the usual.
But I'm also grateful for modern medicine. I might not have survived childbirth with Son #2, much less my childhood bouts of pneumonia, without it.
I'm grateful for womens' rights and labor laws. A lot of women had brains and talents that were wasted in the old days; talk about frustration. I'd have definitely been a "yellow wallpaper" case.
I'm grateful for the ability to communicate with others. Living in isolation is a horrible thing, for me: community is empowerment.
I"m grateful I have true CHOICES in life.
I'm also grateful for small things (seemingly small).
I'm grateful for my front porch, the perfect place for me to unwind.
I'm grateful for flowers, fruits, plants, trees and all God's critters.
I'm grateful for music.
I'm grateful for softness, for warmth, for gentle things, for love.
Laughter has saved my life, many times---when it was seriously down to either laughing or losing my sanity. It has saved me from the anesthetizing boredom of many a meeting. It always surprises people---this quiet, introverted girl suddenly coming up with a blazing, witty joke or comment and having the room breaking out in astonished laughter. Or laughing so hard at something that I'm literally crying or (better yet) snorting a drink out of my nose (thankfully rare!).
So something I'm deeply grateful for is my ability to laugh and see the funny side of things.
I'm grateful for my husband, my family, my children.
I'm grateful for my pets.
I'm grateful for my friends.
You know, the usual.
But I'm also grateful for modern medicine. I might not have survived childbirth with Son #2, much less my childhood bouts of pneumonia, without it.
I'm grateful for womens' rights and labor laws. A lot of women had brains and talents that were wasted in the old days; talk about frustration. I'd have definitely been a "yellow wallpaper" case.
I'm grateful for the ability to communicate with others. Living in isolation is a horrible thing, for me: community is empowerment.
I"m grateful I have true CHOICES in life.
I'm also grateful for small things (seemingly small).
I'm grateful for my front porch, the perfect place for me to unwind.
I'm grateful for flowers, fruits, plants, trees and all God's critters.
I'm grateful for music.
I'm grateful for softness, for warmth, for gentle things, for love.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Me 'n Kate
What do you think? Think my celebrity twin is Kate Winslet? LOL This app told me I was an 86% match for her.
Well....we're the same height, have long reddish hair, are nice and curvy....yet the woman is 8 years younger than me! And making a hell of a lot more money, I might add, ha ha.
Oh well. You be the judge!
Well....we're the same height, have long reddish hair, are nice and curvy....yet the woman is 8 years younger than me! And making a hell of a lot more money, I might add, ha ha.
Oh well. You be the judge!
Accidentally Yours...On Purpose
I'm not 100% sure I believe in accidents. I guess I am one of those folks who truly believes everything happens for a reason/is part of God's plan/all fits together in some grand design. I can sit and scratch my head, wondering how, or I can accept it and move on. Just about everything in my life seems to weave together into this tapestry that makes sense when you look at it from a distance.
Sometimes people refer to an unplanned pregnancy as "an accident". I don't think that way. I don't believe people are accidents. Yes, having children at 18 and 20 was NOT part of MY plan. Neither was the poverty, delayed education, young marriage and stress that accompanied it. While I would never in a million years advise someone to actively seek that lifestyle, I will say this: Had I gone with MY plan, I may never have had kids at all. I may never have known the joys of motherhood. I may never have learned how to be as resourceful and strong as I am today. And I may never have had the life experiences that I strongly believe bestowed me with the empathy and insight to be the therapist I am today.
On a lighter note, some of the happiest "accidents" have been when I stumble upon something new that I wasn't necessarily seeking. Little out of the way, hole-in-the-wall places....greenhouses or craft stores or antique shops in the countryside...places that rarely advertise. Meeting someone I wouldn't normally ever cross paths with and gaining a friend, a new connection. Turning by accident to a different channel or radio station and hearing a piece of music that turns me on to a new artist. I love things like this.
Sometimes people refer to an unplanned pregnancy as "an accident". I don't think that way. I don't believe people are accidents. Yes, having children at 18 and 20 was NOT part of MY plan. Neither was the poverty, delayed education, young marriage and stress that accompanied it. While I would never in a million years advise someone to actively seek that lifestyle, I will say this: Had I gone with MY plan, I may never have had kids at all. I may never have known the joys of motherhood. I may never have learned how to be as resourceful and strong as I am today. And I may never have had the life experiences that I strongly believe bestowed me with the empathy and insight to be the therapist I am today.
On a lighter note, some of the happiest "accidents" have been when I stumble upon something new that I wasn't necessarily seeking. Little out of the way, hole-in-the-wall places....greenhouses or craft stores or antique shops in the countryside...places that rarely advertise. Meeting someone I wouldn't normally ever cross paths with and gaining a friend, a new connection. Turning by accident to a different channel or radio station and hearing a piece of music that turns me on to a new artist. I love things like this.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Radical self-love Day 4: Pamper Me!
What do I do to pamper myself?
*Sleep in on cuddly soft bed linens.
*Soak in hot, leisurely baths with lavender epsom salts.
*Indulge in a spa day with my massage therapist: hot stone massage, deep tissue workout, ionic foot cleansing, lots of healing essential oils
*Clip some flowers from my garden (or in a pinch I'll buy some) and make an arrangement in this pretty green "frog" vase I got from my dad years ago.
*Have my hair done. I just love having someone else wash and style my hair. It generally puts me to sleep!
*Sometimes a teensy bit of retail therapy helps: a new lipstick, a great read from a used bookstore, something small like that goes a long way towards lifting my spirits.
*Sleep in on cuddly soft bed linens.
*Soak in hot, leisurely baths with lavender epsom salts.
*Indulge in a spa day with my massage therapist: hot stone massage, deep tissue workout, ionic foot cleansing, lots of healing essential oils
*Clip some flowers from my garden (or in a pinch I'll buy some) and make an arrangement in this pretty green "frog" vase I got from my dad years ago.
*Have my hair done. I just love having someone else wash and style my hair. It generally puts me to sleep!
*Sometimes a teensy bit of retail therapy helps: a new lipstick, a great read from a used bookstore, something small like that goes a long way towards lifting my spirits.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Eat, Sleep and the Life Unscheduled (AKA playing catch up with Radical Self-Love)
Thought I would condense my first three topics into one post playing catch up!
Sleep is something I'm getting more and more of these days, and it wasn't by choice at first. I am still crawling out of the pit my body fell into before figuring out I have celiac disease. Lots of deficits to make up. Severe iron deficiency is one of the biggest of them. Thus, I'm quite tired and have to ensure that I rest plenty while my body is trying to heal and rebuild stores. I've been known to sit on my front porch and simply nap for an hour or so. Anyone who knows me would be in shock. I am the moving target that never "lights", the busy bee that flits from task to task. Well, the guilt for (gasp!) sitting still and doing nothing has been eroded and I just said, the hell with it. It's my time to rest in the sun for a little while. Whatever it is can wait a while. I preserve my energy for the necessary and feh to the rest. For now.
Food is obviously an area that, having gone gluten-free, has changed dramatically for me in the past month or two. I feel so much better, *incredibly* better. I have lost weight, feel lighter, and best of all---don't hurt or get horribly weak and sick every time I eat. Eating has become a much more mindful activity. I really don't resent having to think ahead and plan for what to eat. Just dropping by a fast food drive thru for a quick bite is not possible for me. And I say, THANK GOODNESS. It was probably slowly killing me. I've discovered new foods that are delicious, rediscovered how much I enjoy fresh fruits and vegetables. I eat more slowly. I eat smaller meals more frequently.
Scheduling is just an accepted part of my work life. I am a therapist and clients book appointments throughout the week. I prefer to see a few clients in a row, then have a break, but sometimes it doesn't work that way. I try to breathe a lot, shake off the stress, laugh a little with my colleagues, and be as fully present and engaged with my clients as I possibly can be. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to give as much as I want to give people. I am intensely focused during work time. Soooo....the upshot is: I am extremely resentful of any encroachment on my personal time. If anything is going to get scheduled then, *I* am the one who better be doing it. Know that if I make time to see you during my personal time, you are a very VERY valued and treasured part of my life!
Sleep is something I'm getting more and more of these days, and it wasn't by choice at first. I am still crawling out of the pit my body fell into before figuring out I have celiac disease. Lots of deficits to make up. Severe iron deficiency is one of the biggest of them. Thus, I'm quite tired and have to ensure that I rest plenty while my body is trying to heal and rebuild stores. I've been known to sit on my front porch and simply nap for an hour or so. Anyone who knows me would be in shock. I am the moving target that never "lights", the busy bee that flits from task to task. Well, the guilt for (gasp!) sitting still and doing nothing has been eroded and I just said, the hell with it. It's my time to rest in the sun for a little while. Whatever it is can wait a while. I preserve my energy for the necessary and feh to the rest. For now.
Food is obviously an area that, having gone gluten-free, has changed dramatically for me in the past month or two. I feel so much better, *incredibly* better. I have lost weight, feel lighter, and best of all---don't hurt or get horribly weak and sick every time I eat. Eating has become a much more mindful activity. I really don't resent having to think ahead and plan for what to eat. Just dropping by a fast food drive thru for a quick bite is not possible for me. And I say, THANK GOODNESS. It was probably slowly killing me. I've discovered new foods that are delicious, rediscovered how much I enjoy fresh fruits and vegetables. I eat more slowly. I eat smaller meals more frequently.
Scheduling is just an accepted part of my work life. I am a therapist and clients book appointments throughout the week. I prefer to see a few clients in a row, then have a break, but sometimes it doesn't work that way. I try to breathe a lot, shake off the stress, laugh a little with my colleagues, and be as fully present and engaged with my clients as I possibly can be. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to give as much as I want to give people. I am intensely focused during work time. Soooo....the upshot is: I am extremely resentful of any encroachment on my personal time. If anything is going to get scheduled then, *I* am the one who better be doing it. Know that if I make time to see you during my personal time, you are a very VERY valued and treasured part of my life!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Sorry for the interruption
Yes, it has been a little while. May was an incredibly busy month. But I am back, for what it's worth.
I feel much better in some ways. Going gluten-free has eliminated many health problems. But, healing is a journey, and I'm early on the path. I still feel exhausted since I can't absorb enough nutrients. The neuropathy in my left hand is still there. But at least the GI hell has abated. And I have hope for getting better. And...I've lost weight!
We spent Memorial weekend at my mom's place in BFE...truly, it is in the exact middle of nowhere in far northeastern Iowa. Just a nice time hanging out, enjoying the beautiful setting, and relaxing as a family. Andrew and Cecilia got here in time to drive up with us.
They are living with us temporarily, until they find work and get a place of their own. It's great to have them here. I hadn't seen Andrew more than a handful of times in the six years he was in the Air Force, due to limited leave time and being stationed so far away. With Mom selling her place and trying to move into the Greenbelt area, we will have most of the family within a 1-2 hour driving radius, plenty close to get together more often.
I keep wanting to do something creative and fun, but I'm really having to limit projects right now. I've had to pare things down to things I have to do and allowing ample time for rest and recovery. It's hard for me, because I'm a person who used to have a million things going on at once and could never sit still. Now I can paint for 1-2 hours, and then spend 2-3x that resting. It's quite frustrating. But I keep repeating to myself, This is not a race. It's okay to let yourself take time to heal. Resting is not laziness. Sometimes I kind of believe what I say! Sometimes I feel really lazy and guilty about it.
I will say that I'm not as highstrung about things looking perfect anymore. Good enough is good enough. Sometimes I just let that phrase wash over me like a comforting breeze, and wrap itself around me.
Roses are blooming in the garden!
K
I feel much better in some ways. Going gluten-free has eliminated many health problems. But, healing is a journey, and I'm early on the path. I still feel exhausted since I can't absorb enough nutrients. The neuropathy in my left hand is still there. But at least the GI hell has abated. And I have hope for getting better. And...I've lost weight!
We spent Memorial weekend at my mom's place in BFE...truly, it is in the exact middle of nowhere in far northeastern Iowa. Just a nice time hanging out, enjoying the beautiful setting, and relaxing as a family. Andrew and Cecilia got here in time to drive up with us.
They are living with us temporarily, until they find work and get a place of their own. It's great to have them here. I hadn't seen Andrew more than a handful of times in the six years he was in the Air Force, due to limited leave time and being stationed so far away. With Mom selling her place and trying to move into the Greenbelt area, we will have most of the family within a 1-2 hour driving radius, plenty close to get together more often.
I keep wanting to do something creative and fun, but I'm really having to limit projects right now. I've had to pare things down to things I have to do and allowing ample time for rest and recovery. It's hard for me, because I'm a person who used to have a million things going on at once and could never sit still. Now I can paint for 1-2 hours, and then spend 2-3x that resting. It's quite frustrating. But I keep repeating to myself, This is not a race. It's okay to let yourself take time to heal. Resting is not laziness. Sometimes I kind of believe what I say! Sometimes I feel really lazy and guilty about it.
I will say that I'm not as highstrung about things looking perfect anymore. Good enough is good enough. Sometimes I just let that phrase wash over me like a comforting breeze, and wrap itself around me.
Roses are blooming in the garden!
K
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