Ask and Ye Shall Receive

 I strongly believe that God does provide for us in our need.  Our needs can be met through unusual channels, or more simply and directly, but I do feel that our needs are met if we can just trust and have faith in His workings. 

A few very specific examples come to mind, from my own life experiences.

Long ago, when I was married to my first husband and mom to two little boys, we were living basically hand to mouth.  We had very little money for our needs, and even less for any wants.   We were quite stressed about a medical bill that was hanging over our heads.  There really wasn't anywhere else to pare our budget down to pay this bill.  If I recall, we didn't even have our phone turned on at the time.  Our finances were so tight they squeaked.  I remember laying in bed at night and wondering if God had any answers for folks like us.   It wasn't long after that when I made my daily walk to the mailbox, expecting to find more bills---but this time I found a check for $400.  I could hardly believe my eyes!  That was an incredible amount of money to me then.  Apparently I had forgotten about an old insurance policy, and the cash value was now mine.  I actually cried out by the mailbox in front of God and everyone.  The relief in being able to honor our medical bill was incredible.

(Those years seem light-years away.  I sit in my lovely home now and wonder what my 20 year old self would think of all of this.)

Many years later, I found the courage to leave an abusive man after 11 years of Hell.  Even though I was scared to death and wasn't sure how I was going to support myself and my two teenage boys, I knew that I must go through with this to save our very lives.  I distinctly remember standing in the shower one night, weeping there so my boys wouldn't have to hear mom cry again, saying "God, help me."  The next day, the student clinic where I'd done my doctoral internship called me and asked if I could step in for one of their part-time counselors this semester, as she had to leave abruptly.  The job would neatly work with my other job as a teaching assistant.  It was like manna from Heaven, and it enabled me to care for my family at a very turbulent time.

Most recently, I left a job I'd had for nearly 8 years, burnt out, deeply unhappy.  In a move very unlike me, I resigned before I had my next moves planned out.  I really didn't know what I was going to do next or where.  I just knew that if I didn't leave, my soul, marriage, physical health---indeed, my life was in danger of disintegrating.  So no backup plans to fall upon, no path chosen, nothing.  I allowed myself to fall back into God's arms.  The ultimate trust exercise!  The funny thing is, I felt totally at peace and not at all afraid.  Oddly enough, a few weeks later I was offered a dream job with an agency I'd admired for a long time, and had worked in conjunction with for years.  And with that gift came the gifts of renewed health, spirit and relationship.

The Universe indeed does move in mysterious ways!

Sobering Thought

I had a really good friend back in college that I was quite close to for some time.  We had some marvelous times together, and shared some painful moments with each others' support.  However, one day he turned to me and said, "It's not healthy for us to be friends anymore.  You're too unstable, and being with you is like a rollercoaster."  I was just stunned.  It came  out of the blue and hurt terribly.  I had my moments of depression, granted, but nothing really crazy or psychotic.  I blamed myself for years for not being the kind of person who deserved his friendship.  Well...

Fast forward twenty years.  On a whim, I looked him up on Facebook.  I did find him, and his online journal.  He is on disability for his mental health disabilities, and has been for many years.  He lives hand to mouth, often relying on the kindness of strangers.  He's bitter and sarcastic and angry.  He has gone from one relationship to another, most of them unhealthy.

Yes.  And I am thriving, happy, stable and (of all things) a respected mental health therapist. 

I know now that he was probably projecting his own instability onto me.  Or heck, maybe he was protecting me from his own personal demons.  I feel only kindness towards and sadness for him now.  It hurt terribly way back when, but perhaps I dodged a big bullet with him. 

On a totally unrelated note...

Hey folks, this is what makes Sirius radio worth it to ME!!

A Charming Little Ditty

Yep, came on as the last song before I pulled into the driveway tonight.  Scarily enough, I knew the song already...Ben had played this delightful little tune for me back in his high school days, I believe.

Between that and the song and artist display for some of Ted Nugent's songs, I have mild filth well-covered as a genre in my car.  Sheesh.

Do I HAAAAAVE to? (Said with pout)

Okay, we'll just get it out right from the beginning......I FREAKING HATE EXERCISE!!!!!!

I do not like gyms.  Gyms, to me, are places for young hot things to prance around in Spandex and Lycra.  Or old farts who think they're still hot, flexing their pecs and strutting around, invariably wearing shorts way the hell too tight and leaving sweat puddles wherever they go.

I'm not fond of exercise classes, at least the ones I've been to.   See Spandex issue mentioned above, plus the competitive aspect, plus me feeling as graceful and limber as a yak.

I hate sweating.  I hate breathing hard.  I hate pain.

I feel like laying on the floor and throwing a tantrum right now.  But that would be exercise.

I think some of this comes from being totally aerobicized in the 80s and 90s.  I got so dang sick of Jane Fonda and Joannie Greggains and Denise Austin and the whole bunch.  Step aerobics?  Kiss my butt.

I know I need to exercise for my health, but why is it such a bore and a chore and a snore?

Now, I could see myself in a yoga or Pilates class, if I could find a good teacher and someone with a class that works with my schedule.  I'd love to surf.  I'd love to try aquajogging.  I'd love to go horseback riding.  I'd love to try bellydancing or Zumba.  I'd love to ride my bike around town.

But I cannot tolerate competitive atmospheres; I can't stand overly structured classes with martinet instructors; I despise repetition. 

Anyone out there care to challenge me on this?  :-)

Sssshhhhh.....

I once read that the quietest place on Earth is in a Bell laboratory.  It is a huge room, but so quiet if you drop a pin at one end of the room you can hear it clearly at the other end.  Wow.

One of my favorite quiet places is my mother's home in the middle of nowhere Iowa.  Cell phones do not work, it's so remote and tucked into the hills.  Sitting out by the pond at night and watching the stars, you can feel very small and insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe.  That can be scary, sometimes.  The silence can be quite...well, loud.

But if you can stay with it and ride through those feelings, it is one of the most peaceful places I have ever known. 

Bedtime Prayers

My husband and I, during times of stress, will sometimes pray together in bed at night.  It makes me feel closer to him and to God.  Sometimes, you have no power in a situation and you just have to lift it up to God.  (My personal belief)

When I sing it can be a form of prayer, even comfort.  I well remember driving home from Ames one night a couple of winters ago, after work.  I didn't realize until I reached Story City that I was driving right into a wall of wind and snow.  The roads suddenly became treacherous.  And with white knuckles on the steering wheel, I sang hymns to keep myself grounded and less scared.  At one point I even stopped singing and just prayed over and over, Please God, get me home safely.  A 45 minute trip took 2 hours, but I got home safely that night.

I don't really formally have a time of prayer each day, but instead pray throughout the day.  Sometimes my actions are a form of prayer...being totally in the moment and present and engaged with a hurting client....communing with nature....even sitting on my front porch and feeling thankful for another day put to rest. 

Things that Make me Smile

Random things....

...like driving past this fountain when I'm working in Marshalltown.  No matter what, it always brings a grin to my face!

....oh, and laughing babies and children at play.

....my fox terrier girl, Lucy, who is the best clown in the world.

Lots of things make me smile, but those are a few that come to mind immediately!